I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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