Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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