Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
