What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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