ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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