i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize