Where are you?
In a non slutty way
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
