Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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