then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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