I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
