He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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