I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
