How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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