Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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