nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
