i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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