My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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