Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We named our party play list daddy issues
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
