Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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