You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
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the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
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We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize