I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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