It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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