I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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