I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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