shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
