just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
