Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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