So drunk its hurt
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
