you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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