He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
