The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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