I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
