i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
