Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
