he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
