Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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