Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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