I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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