yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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