I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
