Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
