I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
