Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
