i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
