Soap is not a condiment
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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