I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
