Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
