4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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