Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
