dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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