I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
