She's JV to your varsity
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
