Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
