I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
