Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
