And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
