Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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