The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
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Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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