Its about making memories worth repressing
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I want a musical about memes.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
