Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
