I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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