I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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