Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
