How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
