Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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