I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
