i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
