Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
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You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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