you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
