I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
