Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
