I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Still dying that you shit outside
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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