maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
