sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
