Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
