Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
