He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
