the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
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Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
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Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.