I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?