another moral hangover. fuck.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.