She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
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I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
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She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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