In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
