you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
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He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
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A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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