my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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